


i took all this love i found

by beware_of_you



Series: only love [9]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, JJ is soft, Smut, Stevie Nicks is there to set the moodtm, They cry, They deserve a happy ending, and they’re both v gay for each other, but it’s good bc they talk about their feelings!!, but it’s v v soft, but they NEEDED this god dammit, cottagecore to the max, emily is soft, fleetwood mac? fleetwood mac, like a lot, mayhaps i’ll give it to them, seriously this is just cottagecore lesbian fantasy to the max, soft smut, they both won’t stop crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:15:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25780453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beware_of_you/pseuds/beware_of_you
Summary: one thing that emily does do, and what comes as a huge surprise to jj, is sing.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Series: only love [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838533
Comments: 6
Kudos: 91





	i took all this love i found

**Author's Note:**

> there’s only like,,,, three more parts left of this series (was only gonna be two but the one part ended up being pretty long so i had to break it up....)

They move into an Airbnb only a few days after first arriving in Paris.

It's a cute, quaint cottage that lies just barely in the countryside of Paris. Hotch apparently wanted the two to be as low-key and to draw as little attention to themselves as possible.

Small, simple white wooden walls that are covered with different colored wild flowers, ivory vines that climb along the sides of the windows. It's fairytale-esque in appearance and charm, surrounded by a low picket fence, same wildflowers covering the posts in lovely reds, blues, purples and yellows. Their only neighbor is 100 yards down the road: an elderly woman who owns a few dozen goats. JJ's come out of the small door to the cottage and spotted a billy goat easily the size of a large dog gnawing on the wild grass that sprouts at the bottom of the fence on more than one occasion.

She's taken to giving him a generous scratch behind his long ears, then against his forehead when he nudges her hand with his long, curled horns. He's friendly and he normally wonders away on his own, and with no instructions to do so otherwise, she lets him be.

The cottage sits in the middle of a patch of bright green grass, has a stream running just alongside the building before it disappears somewhere underground to the well down at the end of the road. There's a patch of woodland just behind the house, a small dirt road that leads them to town. At night, they can still see the brilliant Eiffel Tower in the distance, but the scenery is a lot more calm and quiet.

Days are warm, filled with stunning visions of bright blue skies and the sounds of goats bleating, the bells around their necks ringing softly. Nights are cool, filled with only the sounds of crickets and swarms of bright, blinking fireflies.

They hardly go into town. JJ's stocked up on plenty of necessities before they made the trip to the cottage. When they do, though, it's usually at night. They're as unassuming as possible, don't draw any unnecessary attention to themselves.

Emily's hair had been chopped off to just below her shoulders, is now dyed as black as a raven's feathers. Certain lighting reflects hints of blues and purples that reflect off the strands. When the two women travel into town, she has taken to wearing green contacts, alters the pitch of her voice ever so slightly just as a precaution. She's often dressed in neutral, earth toned sweaters that drown her frame, come down almost to her knees, plain black pants, flats when they're in town, sandals at the cottage.

Nothing like Emily Prentiss would normally wear, which is the entire point.

JJ remains virtually unchanged. Her wardrobe is a bit more comfortable, trading in her combat uniform and heavy duty boots for soft, comfortable sweaters, simple sundresses and form fitting leather boots that make traversing the uneven country terrain easier. She leaves her hair down a lot more, subtle curls carefully thrown over her left shoulder. Her body is still toned from her evening workouts, legs strong from the daily run she goes on every morning. She gains a bit more mass in her biceps from hulling water in large buckets from the well to the cottage for them to boil for baths and for cleaning (there's no faucet for a sink or for the bathtub in the bathroom, but there is a fire powered stove, which works well enough. The cottage is also lacking electricity, but there is cell service from a tower just up the road, which is all they need for the remainder of their stay).

It's old fashioned, but it's good enough to work.

When they go out in town, Emily does most of the talking only because she's the one fluent in French. Around 3 o'clock every day, JJ calls Henry back in the states and talks with him for a whole hour (by the time they're done, it's usually his bedtime, anyway so it works out perfectly). Her schedule is certainly a bit more stable at this remote cottage in the middle of the Parisian countryside than it ever was on the army base. She's a bit settled that she can talk to her son every day, though she tries to go outside or in a different room than Emily.

[She doesn't want Henry asking any unnecessary questions and she doesn't think it's morally the right thing to have Emily overhear him talking because she can't even say hi to him. It's been clear to JJ from day one how much Emily loves Henry. She knows it must be difficult for the older woman to stay away from him.]

They don't usually talk with each other; no topic ever seems appropriate or safe.

However, their days are peaceful, nights spent curled up with each other in bed to keep the nightmares away. When JJ cooks dinner, Emily is usually right by her side helping prep the vegetables or slicing the fresh bakery bread. She makes the coffee every morning, always hands a mug off to JJ after the blonde gets back from her morning run. She lets the younger woman check her wounds, lets her tend to them to make sure they're healing properly. There was even a night where the two sat out in the fields surrounded by tall stalks of grass, laying side by side and gazing up at the stars.

One thing that Emily does do, and what comes as a huge surprise to JJ, is sing.

The blonde had picked up a battery operated radio from a secondhand shop on their second night they traveled into the town. It's small, a little beaten and worn with age, but works amazingly well. In the middle of nowhere, the antenna only picks up a few stations: a numbers station, a static filled station that only seems to ever have commentary from local rugby matches, and a station that only ever seems to be playing Fleetwood Mac. Their discography isn't entirely familiar to JJ [She grew up as a teenager in the 90's, listened to bands like Nirvana and No Doubt and, later down the line when she was a senior in college, Evanescence. But she hasn't entirely lived under a rock her whole life, at least knows two or three songs off the top of her head and can recite _Landslide_ from memory, which counts for something in her opinion god dammit]. But Stevie Nicks' voice is soothing, the music is soft and calming and it's at least something familiar to them both, so JJ keeps it on.

It's rare for her to catch Emily singing along to the radio, and when she does, all she can do is stand back and listen in awe.

The first few times, JJ just barely hears the older woman humming softly along to _Leather and Lace_ and _Dreams_ in the early mornings, or when they're sitting out on the porch with steaming mugs of tea for the evenings. Then one morning just before she enters through the door from her run, JJ hears Emily singing softly along to _Landslide_.

Emily's voice is light, so heart achingly raw and beautiful it stops the younger woman in her tracks. Her voice catches several times during the song, cracks with emotion at certain parts of the chorus, contracts so much to Nicks' own voice and, yet, their voices create a perfect melodic harmony. It's peaceful, soothing enough to ebb away all JJ's nerves for just a moment.

She's not sure if Emily knows about that morning, about her listening to the older woman sing, but she starts to do it more when JJ's around. She sings softly along when they're prepping dinner, during the sunrise, when they sit out in the field of wildflowers.

JJ's favorite is hearing Emily sing _Everywhere_ when they're cuddled in bed. The older woman's voice is soft and soothing, her fingers running through long strands of blonde carefully. The combination of Emily's sweet voice, her fingers running so carefully through her hair and massaging her scalp often lulls JJ into a deep, peaceful slumber.

 _Songbird_ is playing softly in the background now, the radio setting beside the lantern on top of the bedside drawer in the bedroom. Emily isn't humming along, nor is she singing with the radio, but is instead clenching her hand in a tight fist, beige sweater lifted up just above her ribs where her other hand clutches the bottom and holds it up. Her teeth are clenched, face contorted in pain, torso and face covered in a thin veil of sweat as JJ carefully removes another suture from the puckered, pink scar left from her surgery.

The blonde glances up from the bottom of the bed, worried frown appearing on her brow. She carefully places the thin, black piece on top of the small pile already accumulated on the paper towel on the table. "Em, you need to take something if it hurts," she murmurs gently, carefully.

Emily shakes her head quickly. "It doesn't hurt," she insists just as quietly. "I can't rely on the painkillers forever," she corrects when JJ shoots her a look of disbelief. "I'll be fine, really."

JJ grimaces slightly, but doesn't press any further as she goes back down with the tweezers and carefully grabs a hold of the end of another piece. "I'm almost done," she soothes when Emily's breath hitches in pain.

"I know." A pause. "I'm sorry."

It comes out soft, choked out and genuinely regretful, expression distant and sad. The younger woman looks up at her, mouth open to wave off her apologies when she continues. "For before, when I stopped talking to you."

JJ's lips press in a thin line, her head ducking back down to focus on Emily's torso. She carefully pulls out one of the remaining sutures, setting it off on the small pile. "Doyle's dangerous. You panicked. It happens," she murmurs, trying her best to sound indifferent about the older woman's abandonment.

Emily's breath shudders as she winces. "It doesn't mean it was right." Her jaw clenches as she swallows back tears. "When Sean told me he escaped, my mind went straight to you, to Henry, about what he would do to you if he knew—" She shakes her head firmly, unable to look down at the blonde.

"I knew you two would be in immediate danger if I kept seeing you and I _had to_ stop." Emily brings her fist up to her face, wipes her tears away and focuses on the lantern. "And, god, it _killed_ me to do that to you! It _killed_ me because I never have ever wanted to hurt you..." she whispers harshly, biting down on her lower lip.

"I _knew_ it would change things and that you might end up hating me for it, but all I have ever cared about is keeping you safe." A shuddering, humorless laugh falls from her lips. "All that mattered was that you and Henry were safe."

JJ pulls out the last suture, carefully cleaning the puckered scar once more before carefully applying a thin layer of vitamin E over the skin. Slowly, she puts down the tweezers and bottle on the table, before clasping her hands together tightly. She brings them to her lips, presses them firmly there. Her own eyes burn with unshed tears, her knee bouncing anxiously.

"I could never hate you," she starts, catching herself when her voice cracks. She briefly turns to Emily, shaking her head before looking away and bringing her hands up to run through her hair. "God, I could never in a million years hate you, Emily!"

The tears pour from her eyes like a floodgate that's been opened, pouring down her cheeks and dripping onto the floor. Her breath hiccups when she finally finds the strength to look back at the other woman. "How can I ever after all you have done for me and Henry?"

"I thought... the jet?" Emily murmurs, expression lost and confused.

JJ's laugh is short, humorless. "God, no, I—" She pauses, plays with the ring on her finger before she swallows audibly. "I can't— I feel like I failed you."

"What?"

"You're dead without ever being given a say so in that decision. I've taken you away from so many people, people who consider you family." JJ palms splays in exaggeration. "You can't even talk to Henry, Emily. Soon, I'm going to eventually have to leave you to face this all alone, not knowing when you'll come back." A harsh sniff. "If you come back."

Her shoulders slump helplessly. "You always do so much for me and all I can do to thank you is leave you in a foreign country to face everything on your own. I'm the one _hurting_ you!"

Emily's jaw falls slack, her hand reaching out to cup the blonde's cheek. "JJ—" she murmurs soothingly.

The younger woman shakes her head quickly. "I'm taking everything from you and it's not fair."

"It's not your fault. None of it," Emily says firmly, wiping away her tears with her thumb. "You don't have a choice."

JJ's eyes meet her's, murky with tears and dulled. Her face is damp, slightly swollen from her tears. She brings her own hand up and covers Emily's, pressing their foreheads together. It's silent for a long time, the radio softly filling the white noise in the background.

"Neither did you," she finally responds in a whisper. "I could never be angry with you for wanting to protect Henry, or me."

"I love him. You," Emily says quietly, voice cracking. "I love you both so much. It scared me what it meant for you at the time, even what that means now."

"Everything," JJ insists on a hitched breath, She hides her face in Emily's palm, closing her eyes at the warmth. "It's always meant everything."

She shudders out a sigh. "I love you," she replies quietly. "I love you, and it _hurts_." Her breath hiccups pathetically, more tears flowing from her eyes. "It hurts so much to love you," she sobs out in a whisper. "It _hurts_ knowing that I can't stay here with you, that I can only be here for you a few days longer before I have to leave. But I can't _stop_ loving you. I've never been able to stop falling harder and harder for you."

The older woman carefully cradles her face between her palms, tucking a long strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "You're here now. That's what matters to me."

JJ sniffles, reaching up to wipe away her tears with the back of her hand. "I have you," she murmurs reassuringly, though her voice raises at the end like a question, like she needs to hear the other woman confirm that statement for her.

Emily cracks a small smile, barely pulling up the corners of her mouth. "You've always had me."

The kiss is so soft, so light JJ barely even feels Emily's lips on hers but, god, it's full of so much _love_ and _affection_ it hurts. The older woman's thumb is slowly stroking along her cheek, to her jawline, finally rests at the side of her neck to pull her closer. Her breath shudders out as a soft sigh on Emily's skin, her own hand angling the other woman's head _just_ right. Her head is spinning deliriously, heart thudding against her ribcage wildly.

It feels right, like this is somehow all meant to be.

JJ pulls back first, but just barely. Their noses brush against each other, soft pants of air escaping their lips, eyes remaining closed. The only noise to be heard over their breathing is the soft melodic voice of Stevie Nicks serenading them in the background.

Emily pulls JJ back in, their lips connecting more firmly than they ever have before. It's a more passionate, invigorating kiss, one that stirs the need for more. _More_ even as Emily lets out this tiny _whine_ that shoots straight down JJ's spine and sparks flames of desire throughout her limbs. She moves further up the bed, situates herself between Emily's legs without disconnecting their lips. The kiss is a clash of tongues and teeth that the blonde only wins by the slimmest of margins because Emily fucking _moans_ into her mouth and turns her knees into complete jello. It becomes so _fucking_ messy but _sofuckinggood._

JJ's hands immediately go down to the hem of Emily's sweater, only hesitating for a brief second until the older agent's hands go over her's and push the fabric up and over her head in one smooth motion. She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth, wanting to ingrain the vision of Emily into her mind forever: short, black locks splayed messily over the pillows, cheeks slightly flushed, lips kiss swollen and wet, chest heaving with each breath, upper body bathed in a soft, beautiful yellow glow, black bra striking against soft pale skin, pupils blown out and shining with so much love and _desire_ , it hurts in the best of ways. Emily Prentiss looks like a fucking masterpiece hand crafted by the gods.

JJ presses a soft, reassuring kiss on the older woman's lips, then another, and another because Emily is _breathtaking, heart achingly beautiful_ and she'll be damned if she ever lets her forget it. She peppers those same tender kisses down her chin, along her sharp, angular jawline and down her neck, nipping softly at the skin beneath her lips as they journey down. Soft, sweet open mouthed kisses are trailed just above the brand Doyle left on her chest, thighs clenching involuntarily at the needy little whimper that escapes her lips, at Emily's fingers gripping into her hair.

"Beautiful," she murmurs thickly against creamy, ivory skin. She swallows hard, just managing to hold back a fresh wave of tears. "You're so beautiful."

Emily's lips press firmly at the top of the younger woman's head, tears soaking into the long strands of blonde. "Please don't stop," she whispers wetly, voice muffled into JJ's hair.

A soft kiss is placed upon her lips as another reassurance. "Never," JJ promises softly, moving her hands up the older woman's side and behind her back. The black bra goes limp as she separates the hook, palms softly pushing the straps down and off long arms. She leaves a series of kisses along the jut of the older woman's collarbone, lips trailing so very slowly to her chest.

The blonde's hand comes up, carefully covering one of her breasts, softly caressing the soft, subtle flesh beneath her fingertips. Her thumb brushes over a dark nipple, then again and again as a soft groan falls from the older woman's lips when the bud hardens at the attention. Her mouth trails up, lips wrapping so softly around the abandoned side, sucking so gently. And, god, the _sound_ Emily makes, a breathy _fuck_ falling from her lips, a small whimper of _Jennifer,_ sounding sinfully _needy_ when the runs her tongue over the sensitive skin makes her dizzy.

JJ's muscles jump when Emily's palms glide up her abdomen, fingers stroking just below her ribcage under her shirt. Pulling away slightly and sitting on the older woman's thighs, she pulls off her sweater and unhooks her own bra, limply dropping the articles of clothing off the side of the bed. She pushes her pants from around her hips, removing her undergarments until she's completely naked.

Barely visible in the light from the lantern, Emily's eyes darken, breath hitching slightly.

Their lips meet in an achingly slow, tender kiss, pressed flush against each other, hands softly caressing warm, smooth skin. JJ's hips jump when the older woman's thumbs just barely graze over her nipples, a small, noise of content escaping from the back of her throat at the action. Her fingers slowly glide down Emily's stomach, stopping just at the hem of her pants.

The other woman releases an impatient groan, taking her wrist and guiding her fingers down where she needs them. She releases a soft, airy sigh when JJ's fingers press against wet, warm heat. "I need you," she murmurs shakily between kisses, gasping when the younger woman's fingers press firmly against her clit. " _Please_."

A soft kiss is pressed on her chin, along her jawline, down her neck and sternum as JJ pushes herself down Emily's body. She worships every inch of pale skin like its sacred, trailing feather light kisses further down, _down_ until she's laying just between the older woman's legs. She plants kisses along the plain of her stomach, loving the way the muscles clench under her lips. She nuzzles her nose along the long, pink scar, kisses the area gently and soothingly. The long, choked moan she hears in response is enough motivation for her to finally hook her fingers underneath the waistband of Emily's pants and pull them off, leaving the older woman bare and exposed.

Carefully, the blonde loops an arm around a muscular thigh, trailing kisses along the soft skin there, moving closer and closer until she _finally_ places her mouth just where Emily needs it. Her tongue slowly licks up the wetness gathered between the other woman's legs, moaning softly at the unique tang. She presses firmly against her clit until she carefully, oh so gently sucks the bed between her lips. She hears Emily moan deeply at the action, repeats just to hear the noise again, and again, and again. Her tongue moves methodically, as if Emily's very essence is her only salvation.

She feels the older woman's fingers run through her hair, soothingly stroking the strands instead of pulling. Her free hand is gripped with her own, palms pressed flush against each other. Emily doesn't rush her or for her to move faster. Her hips cant softly against JJ's mouth, but never in a way that feels like she's asking for more. She allows JJ to love her at her own pace. It's the only time the younger woman has ever felt something more during intimacy, the first time she's ever felt _love_ spreading throughout her entire being, feels nothing but _love_ for the woman in bed with her, that this moment isn't just them simply having sex, but _making love._

Soft, _filthy_ praises tumble from Emily's mouth in English, in French, in an incoherent jumble of both languages between soft, long drawn out pants of her full name (and, god, JJ's never been so aroused to hear _Jennifer_ coming from Emily's mouth.) The words coming from her mouth become more and more incoherent, thighs quaking around the younger woman's head until she releases with a sharp cry of JJ's name.

Emily's hands grasp at her shoulders frantically, pulling the blonde up and smashing their lips together. She moans in JJ's mouth at the taste of herself on the younger woman's lips, at the way their bodies mold together perfectly.

Their limbs tangle together, JJ pressing down when Emily wedges a leg between hers. She pulls away from the kiss to exhale a breathy moan, hands grasping the back of the older woman's neck as she grinds down on the firm muscle. Her eyes burn with tears when Emily presses kisses along her neck, a sharp gasp when she sucks a nipple between her lips. Her eyes fly open when the older woman trails her kisses down her stomach, heart racing in panic.

She carefully tugs on the short, black strands of hair, pulling Emily back up. "I need you up here," she chokes out pathetically, cheeks flushed with arousal and embarrassment. She hates to sound so needy, to want to have Emily's face right up with her's, but can't control herself. It's as if she needs to assure that Emily is really _real_ and that she's really _here_ with her.

She feels so stupid.

"I need you here with me," she sniffles quietly. "I—I need..."

She's cut off when Emily firmly kisses her, wraps an arm around her waist and presses their chests flush against each other's. "I'm here," she murmurs reassuringly. "I got you."

JJ relaxes in Emily's hold, nodding silently as tears stream down her cheeks. Their lips press together in another soft kiss, tongues moving against each other so achingly slow and tender. JJ gasps in Emily's mouth when her thumb massages her nipples, strokes over the stiff peaks firmly before moving her hand between her legs.

She whimpers when Emily's fingers come into contact with her, as they slowly run through her wetness, and _, god_ she can _hear_ how wet she is. She hips jump when the older woman finds her clit, slowly circles her until they _finally_ push into her. Her eyes screw shut, her mouth limply hanging open in a soft whine as Emily slowly begins to move inside of her.

She presses her face into the side of Emily's hair when she moans, tears soaking into the dark strands. "Love me," she chokes out when the older woman hesitates as the tears hit her skin. "Please, love me," she chokes out thickly, moaning out into the room when Emily's thumb presses against her clit.

Her hips move in time with the older woman's gentle thrusts, her fingers stroking soothingly through short strands of black. She presses kisses to Emily's temple, softly moaning breathy praises into her ear. "So good, Em. So _good_ ," she gasps with a whimper.

"I love you," Emily breathes between kisses, voice choked up with emotion. "I love you so much."

Thighs clenching and stomach coiling warmly at the words, JJ moans deeply. She swallows thickly, pressing kisses along the older woman's jawline. "Say it again," she begs with a whine.

Emily's breath is hot against the sensitive skin of her earlobe, teeth carefully scraping along the skin as she breathes out, "I love you."

JJ's hips twitch once, twice before she finally releases with a soft cry of Emily's name, limbs twitching in the afterglow. Her breathing is labored, vision blurring with tears as she calms herself down. All her emotions seem to come rushing back to her, knows she would feel so overwhelmed if Emily wasn't pressed flush against her.

She wraps her arms firmly around Emily's frame, thighs clenching to keep her fingers where they are. "Not yet," she begs in a wavering voice. "I need..." She swallows thickly, unable to finish her sentence. Her head rests against the older woman's chest, fingers curled tightly against her skin.

Emily's tears soak onto her skin, into her hair as she gasps against her. She buries her head into JJ's hair, free hand firmly wrapped around her waist. "I know. I know," she chokes out, because she knows exactly what JJ needs without words because she needs it too, needs the blonde to simply be there for her. "I know."

JJ's presses a kiss against her chest, hiding her tear stained face in Emily's neck. She holds onto her like she's a life line, presses herself firmly against the older woman like they're molded into a single unit.

They remain like that, holding each other tightly and firmly, even as they both give into their own exhaustion.

**Author's Note:**

> they’re so in love,,,, it hurts,,,,,,,,,mayhaps they’ll get their happy ending 
> 
> [they will i’m not a coward]


End file.
